Wow! Can you imagine? the BIG 100th post!
I never imagined I’d get here, but look! here I am.
Thank you all most sincerely for letting me have a voice.Without anyone to read my thoughts and experiences I really wouldn’t be sitting here at midnight plugging away and I likely wouldn’t be at such a healthy place with my feelings on raising an awesome child with Autism 🙂
Autism has taught me many lessons that have made me a better person, not just Mother. It has taught me to roll with the punches, to not let pride get in my way, to never give up.
It has forced an impatient person to be patient.
It has taught me to be prudent.
It has shown me my own weaknesses and challenged me to better myself.
It has asked me to be gentle and kind, to trust. Oh, how it has forced me to trust and believe and most difficult for me, to rely on others. This one, I must admit I am still working on 🙂
Autism has tried to break me down, it has rattled my foundation like a tornado rocks a lonely farm-house but it has not broken me.
It has tried to take from me my security, my friends and family, it has isolated me at times but despite all these things it has also taught me to rise above. It has taught me we are all alone at times, and that is ok.
It will teach you all the same, if only you let it. Your attitude is the only thing you can control but it is the vital possession and you CAN control the outcome.
Remember that. Hold on to the knowledge this too shall pass, and you can steer the ship to safety if you only wait out the storm. You’ll be glad you did 🙂
Last week, I was out with a few friends and had someone ask me if I knew what the future held for Lincoln.
It was a simple question, asked with concern and kindness and I felt honored that I had friends that wondered about the future like I did, even if just in passing…a lot of times people ignore autism all together as it can be difficult to breach in thought and let’s face it, it comes off as a negative to many.
As a parent of any child we both wonder and worry about our childs fate and future. We know how deep our love runs and we want so desperately to give our children the most happiest of futures and success.
I often will tell others that I truly never loved until I became a Mother. My heart has never ached so painfully nor run over so completely with admiration for one person. I have never felt it warm and blossom as it does when I watch my childs perfect mouth burst into a tooth grin or how safe and complete I feel when he slips his warm, soft hand into mine. I find peace when I hold him in my arms and I know beyond words that I am rich. I am blessed.
I have never felt such sadness when I consider he may not be able to experience all the wonders the world has to offer, because he might not be able to find a way to allow himself the experience.
Autism may not grant him these opportunities, no matter how hard I work, he works, no matter how much progress he makes.
I will have to accept that he may not ever get the chance to hold his own son or daughter and look into their eyes and see tomorrow, and perhaps he may never drive himself on an impromptu road trip with his buddies and do goofy things.. He might not ever get the chance to move out on his own, buy his first home, he may never fall head over heels in love or know the heartbreak of first love.
Will that make his life any less?
No, I can’t say it will. Who’s to say these are even things he might desire?
I do know that no matter what, I love my son completely and many others do too.
I know he has 3 brothers that look up to him and ‘Autism’ is not a bad word in our home, it is just a fact.
I know my son has a loving heart, a sensitive side and a curiosity that will lead him to many places. He has a sense of humor that will keep him smiling, laughter that will make others smile and he is strong, he will survive the hard times and be a better person for it.
These things I know.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I know he will be all that he desires to be, no matter what the strife, he will be exactly what he wishes to be.
And that is perfect.
Happy 100th post everyone! Thank you for getting me here.